Thursday, November 1, 2007

Goodbye, Nefret

I will start this update by offering three phrases I have repeated several times throughout this blog. First, Nicaragua breaks my heart. Second, I feel helpless quite frequently, which often leads to frustration. Third, life here is full of lots of ups and downs.

Today was tough. After class I walked to Metrocentro to meet Nefret and the kids. Two of the young boys ran up to me and starting speaking very excitedly and quickly. The only words I made out were “accident,” “bus,” and “Kevin.” Thankfully my fears were quickly scattered when Kevin ran around the corner. It turns out that the kids watched a man get his leg run over by a bus this morning in their neighborhood. Even though I couldn’t understand the vast majority of what the kids were saying the details sounded grisly. I am reporting all of this because all of the kids, understandably, seemed quite shaken up by the event, and were acting a bit unusual from the beginning of our time together.

We had a great lunch together – primarily because the kids absolutely ADORE Nefret. I don’t blame them, since she is so wonderful with them, and can actually converse with them in Spanish. She is a natural with the children. Everyone enjoyed another delicious meal from Tip-Top. Yum.

The trouble started after lunch. As we spend more time together I am realizing that I need to have a more structured relationship with them. I am becoming less of an ‘uncle who they see once a year and can spoil them,’ and more of an ‘older brother who has to say “no” and establish some guidelines in order to maintain a healthy relationship.’

Recently we’ve been occasionally riding the kiddie rides or getting ice cream after lunch. They’ve never asked to do both on the same day, though, so when they did today I felt it would be beneficial for everyone if I offered them a choice of rides or ice cream. Nefret told them their options and the two younger boys, Leonardo and Ysaac, chose the rides while Kevin and Ninoska wanted ice cream. Sonia told us she didn’t want either. The boys rode their rides and, as we all were leaving, we bought ice cream for Kevin and Ninoska.

Leonardo and Sonia immediately became silent, obviously upset that Kevin and Ninoska got ice cream while they did not. We had a tense walk out of the mall, with Kevin and Ninoska in front happily eating their ice cream, followed by Leonardo, Sonia, and Ysaac all pouting to various degrees.

The kids walked with us up the street for a bit, and insisted on crossing the highway via the overhead walkway with us. Emotions and tension were both running quite high at this point. The kids were dealing with the accident they witnessed earlier, the ice cream episode, and, most importantly, Nefret’s departure.

The ten minutes we waited for the bus were ten of the longest minutes I’ve experienced in a long time. Sonia and Leonardo refused to talk to us, despite Nefret’s repeated questioning of, “what’s wrong?” Kevin and Ninoska were fine, although they, too, didn’t know how to react to their amigos’ behavior. Ysaac brought both Nefret and I much fear by refusing to come down from the extremely dangerous walkway. Despite our pleas the little guy kept putting his head through the restraining bars, causing us to picture him falling onto the highway below. Sonia and Leonardo told us that they weren’t even coming to lunch tomorrow. We knew that they would leave as soon as we got on a bus, and although we hated saying goodbye, we knew the 119’s arrival was a positive development.

The day was frustrating for many reasons. I think, for me, the most maddening aspect was my inability to understand what was going on in the kids’ heads. This failure to communicate ran deeper than merely language barriers; I’m not sure I would have been able to understand if they could speak English or I could speak better Spanish. I just wanted to know what was wrong and why they were so upset. I am confident that their moods and behavior could not be explained by simply not getting ice cream.

These kids live such tough lives that it’s easy to forget that they are, indeed, still kids. As my girlfriend Emily put it this evening, “they have been forced to grow up way too quickly, but are still kids, so it makes sense that they aren’t always mature enough to handle certain situations.”

Nefret and I were upset that her final goodbye had to occur the way it did, as she will likely never see them again. We talked this afternoon about how heartbreaking the situation was. We were delighted when Sonia called this evening and apologized to Nefret. I am glad because I assume her apology means she is coming tomorrow.

I know that I am not doing the scene justice with these words. I was mad not at the kids, but at their circumstances. Sure, they were hard to deal with today, but how can I look at the ridiculous lifestyles they are forced to live and not feel compassion?

This entry is scattered and perhaps illogical, I know, but I think it reflects the day quite well. I don’t even know how I really feel right now. Again, I wish I could say all of our interactions with the kids were fun, light, and easy. People are much more complicated than that, though, especially kids. I just wish I could do more to help. I think the best thing I can do right now is continue to show up, speak bad Spanish, buy them lunch, and give them a break from the streets for an hour and a half every day. Hopefully I can provide something for them to look forward to and a positive sense of stability.

Lauren had an eventful day as well. She spent the day at the hospital comforting one of her orphans who broke his arm in 3 places. I give her lots of credit for dealing with significant language issues and a hurting child at the same time.

We’re about to take Nefret to the airport. It’s been so great having her here. She was so awesome with the kids and a real blessing to Lauren and me as well.

No comments: